Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wintertime Blues

When I moved to Kansas City, I sacrificed a lot for love. Do I regret it? No. But do I miss being minutes from all of my very best friends? Daily. I lost my job, which wasn't glamorous, but it was money. I lost the ability to be a terrible flirt at every moment... That might not be a bad thing. I had to leave Bruce behind, which was shitty, and I miss that little jerk and his sweet sister. 
So, I've been going through a lot of emotions. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, incredibly overwhelmed and scared of what's going to come down the line. Like so many other people, I'm not financially secure, I have too much debt and so little income. I hate going to college, Truman was a joke. Trying to go to school online was a joke and kind of a sham. So, this summer I start round three, which hopefully will be the charm. I JUST WANT TO TEACH KINDERGARTEN. Sometimes I feel like no one is listening, and who could blame them? I don't feel like I've been a very good communicator since I moved her. But I don't know anyone's schedule, and I don't want to be a bother, and at this point, its like awkward to try to figure all this shit out. Making friends here is next to impossible, I have nowhere to meet anyone new here, all I ever do is sit around- losing minutes that I will never get back. I've gotten way fatter, way less confident in myself, and way less excited about living. All I do is sleep, eat, and play Sims3. What a life. 
Things with Jason haven't changed, I love him as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on him- as much as I did the moment he confessed that he loved me. We bicker, but when you spend this much time together, that's going to happen. Sometimes I think about the little baby we lost, I know it was just a clump of cells, not really a baby yet; if I was still pregnant, we would know the gender by now. I know that its probably better in the long run that we didn't have a baby right off the bat, but man was I excited about the thought of bringing someone into the world. Jason and I never talk about it. I think he was more relieved than sad, and I was/am the opposite. 
Maybe its the lack of foliage, maybe its the rainy, gross weather we've been having- I'm ready to shake things up. And I'm ready to stop being so down in the dumps. 

Thursday, January 12, 2012


I know its been a while, but I've been busy- so here's a catch up blog post! 

Let's talk about the holidays...

For Thanksgiving, Jason and I headed to Wisconsin. We spent a week just hanging out with his family (mom, step-dad, half sister, sister, niece, sister's bf, step-dad's parents, etc), and it was great. Everyone was so excited to see Jason, and no one gave a single care that we got married so fast. His mom cooked all of his favorite foods, and I gained roughly ten pounds eating a delicious chocolate treat called "Katie Bars," named after my 10 year old sister-in-law. We shopped, Katie and I became the best of sisters, she reminds me so much of Carly that it was almost like we were at my own home! His parents were too happy to have us, and we really did have the very nicest of visits. The pie I made for Thanksgiving dinner was a huge hit with everyone but Jason, who said it was "too rich." Oh well, more chocolate cheese pie for me! Jason took me to a bar and I ordered an alcoholic drink for the first time (despite the fact that I wouldn't be 21 for another week), we went to the bar to watch the Chiefs game, and were harassed the entire time by a local- who was incredibly intoxicated. We stayed a night with his sister, her boyfriend, and her two year old daughter, who is a total ham when she's in the spotlight. I thoroughly enjoyed myself the entire time I was there. 
On my birthday, Jason took me to The Cheesecake Factory and we ate cheesecake (shock of shocks), I also ordered my first legal alcoholic beverage a Pineapple Mojito- yum! Then we pretty much farted around all day, I picked out some movies that I've really wanted for a while (Black Swan, Its Kind of a Funny Story, and The Beaver), we went to a bar and I had a White Russian and a Tom Collins, and then we came home and watched my movies, while I drank a large, party-sized, bottle of pre-made margarita. It was a great night.
Christmas... We headed to Perryville. If I said that this trip was as peaceful as the Thanksgiving trip, I would be a liar. For one, I don't have the best relationship with my oldest little sister. For as long as she's been alive, people have told me that when she gets older, we will be best friends, and the older she gets, the more we disagree. Second, we brought our dog, who is used to the quiet of two adults, and not the screaming and giggling of little girls. As soon as we got there, my father latched onto Jason (I assume this was because they were the only two men in the house) and didn't let go until we left. My sisters and Mom were THRILLED to have a dog in the house, since my dad refuses to let them have one of there own. They fed Delaney so many treats her diet was completely ruined, and she came back to the city as a fat dog again. Everyday had a serious itinerary that started at 730a and ended sometime between 8 and 10p. It started with three days of Christmas, one at home, one at my grandparents, and the third at my great-aunt's. One day we took the little girls to get their hair done, and then out for chinese food. Rachel and Carly weren't used to going INTO chinese restaurants, so they took full advantage of the buffet, which was precious. Another day was family picture day, which ended in some more buffet fun when the little sisters experienced Ryan's for the first time. One day Jason and I went to visit my friend Caleb, and then my great-aunt Imogene, which was some much needed quiet. 
Doesn't sound bad, right? But someone was mysteriously absent most of those days... Who could that be? Oh, yes- Janie. Here's why: about three days into our weeklong stay, Janie and I had a fist fight not unlike the one I had with her the last time I was home, except this involved not her lips being cut by her braces, but her nose being bloodied by a wall. I know what you're thinking, "Sarah! You don't seem violent!" I know! But she always messes with either our mom (by punching her on Christmas- two years in a row now) or one of the little girls, whom I love more than anyone else! So I spring into action mode! 
But Janie wouldn't be the only person with a sore face that week- I woke up Friday morning with a swollen face, and it seemed that I would miss Carly's birthday party (which had been bumped up a day, just so Jason and I could celebrate too). I went to some urgent care place and they gave me two shots in the tush, which are just now starting to feel better. But dangit, I didn't miss her movie party, and what's even better is that I was the only grown-up to go with Carly and Ray to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. (Mom and Jason saw Warhorse, Janie saw We Bought a Zoo) All of the movies sounded equally lame, so I bought the little girls some popcorn, drink, and some candies, and we saw what wound up being a better movie than that god-awful "squeakuel," which I also saw with the girls last Christmas...
After staying for about a week, Jason and I left on New Year's Eve (also Carly's birthday) and got back to Kansas City just in time to change clothes and get to our friends' house for a fun and eventful- but not too eventful New Year's party.