When I moved to Kansas City, I sacrificed a lot for love. Do I regret it? No. But do I miss being minutes from all of my very best friends? Daily. I lost my job, which wasn't glamorous, but it was money. I lost the ability to be a terrible flirt at every moment... That might not be a bad thing. I had to leave Bruce behind, which was shitty, and I miss that little jerk and his sweet sister.
So, I've been going through a lot of emotions. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, incredibly overwhelmed and scared of what's going to come down the line. Like so many other people, I'm not financially secure, I have too much debt and so little income. I hate going to college, Truman was a joke. Trying to go to school online was a joke and kind of a sham. So, this summer I start round three, which hopefully will be the charm. I JUST WANT TO TEACH KINDERGARTEN. Sometimes I feel like no one is listening, and who could blame them? I don't feel like I've been a very good communicator since I moved her. But I don't know anyone's schedule, and I don't want to be a bother, and at this point, its like awkward to try to figure all this shit out. Making friends here is next to impossible, I have nowhere to meet anyone new here, all I ever do is sit around- losing minutes that I will never get back. I've gotten way fatter, way less confident in myself, and way less excited about living. All I do is sleep, eat, and play Sims3. What a life.
Things with Jason haven't changed, I love him as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on him- as much as I did the moment he confessed that he loved me. We bicker, but when you spend this much time together, that's going to happen. Sometimes I think about the little baby we lost, I know it was just a clump of cells, not really a baby yet; if I was still pregnant, we would know the gender by now. I know that its probably better in the long run that we didn't have a baby right off the bat, but man was I excited about the thought of bringing someone into the world. Jason and I never talk about it. I think he was more relieved than sad, and I was/am the opposite.
Maybe its the lack of foliage, maybe its the rainy, gross weather we've been having- I'm ready to shake things up. And I'm ready to stop being so down in the dumps.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
ThanksBirthdaChristmaNewYear...
I know its been a while, but I've been busy- so here's a catch up blog post!
Let's talk about the holidays...
For Thanksgiving, Jason and I headed to Wisconsin. We spent a week just hanging out with his family (mom, step-dad, half sister, sister, niece, sister's bf, step-dad's parents, etc), and it was great. Everyone was so excited to see Jason, and no one gave a single care that we got married so fast. His mom cooked all of his favorite foods, and I gained roughly ten pounds eating a delicious chocolate treat called "Katie Bars," named after my 10 year old sister-in-law. We shopped, Katie and I became the best of sisters, she reminds me so much of Carly that it was almost like we were at my own home! His parents were too happy to have us, and we really did have the very nicest of visits. The pie I made for Thanksgiving dinner was a huge hit with everyone but Jason, who said it was "too rich." Oh well, more chocolate cheese pie for me! Jason took me to a bar and I ordered an alcoholic drink for the first time (despite the fact that I wouldn't be 21 for another week), we went to the bar to watch the Chiefs game, and were harassed the entire time by a local- who was incredibly intoxicated. We stayed a night with his sister, her boyfriend, and her two year old daughter, who is a total ham when she's in the spotlight. I thoroughly enjoyed myself the entire time I was there.
On my birthday, Jason took me to The Cheesecake Factory and we ate cheesecake (shock of shocks), I also ordered my first legal alcoholic beverage a Pineapple Mojito- yum! Then we pretty much farted around all day, I picked out some movies that I've really wanted for a while (Black Swan, Its Kind of a Funny Story, and The Beaver), we went to a bar and I had a White Russian and a Tom Collins, and then we came home and watched my movies, while I drank a large, party-sized, bottle of pre-made margarita. It was a great night.
Christmas... We headed to Perryville. If I said that this trip was as peaceful as the Thanksgiving trip, I would be a liar. For one, I don't have the best relationship with my oldest little sister. For as long as she's been alive, people have told me that when she gets older, we will be best friends, and the older she gets, the more we disagree. Second, we brought our dog, who is used to the quiet of two adults, and not the screaming and giggling of little girls. As soon as we got there, my father latched onto Jason (I assume this was because they were the only two men in the house) and didn't let go until we left. My sisters and Mom were THRILLED to have a dog in the house, since my dad refuses to let them have one of there own. They fed Delaney so many treats her diet was completely ruined, and she came back to the city as a fat dog again. Everyday had a serious itinerary that started at 730a and ended sometime between 8 and 10p. It started with three days of Christmas, one at home, one at my grandparents, and the third at my great-aunt's. One day we took the little girls to get their hair done, and then out for chinese food. Rachel and Carly weren't used to going INTO chinese restaurants, so they took full advantage of the buffet, which was precious. Another day was family picture day, which ended in some more buffet fun when the little sisters experienced Ryan's for the first time. One day Jason and I went to visit my friend Caleb, and then my great-aunt Imogene, which was some much needed quiet.
Doesn't sound bad, right? But someone was mysteriously absent most of those days... Who could that be? Oh, yes- Janie. Here's why: about three days into our weeklong stay, Janie and I had a fist fight not unlike the one I had with her the last time I was home, except this involved not her lips being cut by her braces, but her nose being bloodied by a wall. I know what you're thinking, "Sarah! You don't seem violent!" I know! But she always messes with either our mom (by punching her on Christmas- two years in a row now) or one of the little girls, whom I love more than anyone else! So I spring into action mode!
But Janie wouldn't be the only person with a sore face that week- I woke up Friday morning with a swollen face, and it seemed that I would miss Carly's birthday party (which had been bumped up a day, just so Jason and I could celebrate too). I went to some urgent care place and they gave me two shots in the tush, which are just now starting to feel better. But dangit, I didn't miss her movie party, and what's even better is that I was the only grown-up to go with Carly and Ray to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. (Mom and Jason saw Warhorse, Janie saw We Bought a Zoo) All of the movies sounded equally lame, so I bought the little girls some popcorn, drink, and some candies, and we saw what wound up being a better movie than that god-awful "squeakuel," which I also saw with the girls last Christmas...
After staying for about a week, Jason and I left on New Year's Eve (also Carly's birthday) and got back to Kansas City just in time to change clothes and get to our friends' house for a fun and eventful- but not too eventful New Year's party.
Let's talk about the holidays...
For Thanksgiving, Jason and I headed to Wisconsin. We spent a week just hanging out with his family (mom, step-dad, half sister, sister, niece, sister's bf, step-dad's parents, etc), and it was great. Everyone was so excited to see Jason, and no one gave a single care that we got married so fast. His mom cooked all of his favorite foods, and I gained roughly ten pounds eating a delicious chocolate treat called "Katie Bars," named after my 10 year old sister-in-law. We shopped, Katie and I became the best of sisters, she reminds me so much of Carly that it was almost like we were at my own home! His parents were too happy to have us, and we really did have the very nicest of visits. The pie I made for Thanksgiving dinner was a huge hit with everyone but Jason, who said it was "too rich." Oh well, more chocolate cheese pie for me! Jason took me to a bar and I ordered an alcoholic drink for the first time (despite the fact that I wouldn't be 21 for another week), we went to the bar to watch the Chiefs game, and were harassed the entire time by a local- who was incredibly intoxicated. We stayed a night with his sister, her boyfriend, and her two year old daughter, who is a total ham when she's in the spotlight. I thoroughly enjoyed myself the entire time I was there.
On my birthday, Jason took me to The Cheesecake Factory and we ate cheesecake (shock of shocks), I also ordered my first legal alcoholic beverage a Pineapple Mojito- yum! Then we pretty much farted around all day, I picked out some movies that I've really wanted for a while (Black Swan, Its Kind of a Funny Story, and The Beaver), we went to a bar and I had a White Russian and a Tom Collins, and then we came home and watched my movies, while I drank a large, party-sized, bottle of pre-made margarita. It was a great night.
Christmas... We headed to Perryville. If I said that this trip was as peaceful as the Thanksgiving trip, I would be a liar. For one, I don't have the best relationship with my oldest little sister. For as long as she's been alive, people have told me that when she gets older, we will be best friends, and the older she gets, the more we disagree. Second, we brought our dog, who is used to the quiet of two adults, and not the screaming and giggling of little girls. As soon as we got there, my father latched onto Jason (I assume this was because they were the only two men in the house) and didn't let go until we left. My sisters and Mom were THRILLED to have a dog in the house, since my dad refuses to let them have one of there own. They fed Delaney so many treats her diet was completely ruined, and she came back to the city as a fat dog again. Everyday had a serious itinerary that started at 730a and ended sometime between 8 and 10p. It started with three days of Christmas, one at home, one at my grandparents, and the third at my great-aunt's. One day we took the little girls to get their hair done, and then out for chinese food. Rachel and Carly weren't used to going INTO chinese restaurants, so they took full advantage of the buffet, which was precious. Another day was family picture day, which ended in some more buffet fun when the little sisters experienced Ryan's for the first time. One day Jason and I went to visit my friend Caleb, and then my great-aunt Imogene, which was some much needed quiet.
Doesn't sound bad, right? But someone was mysteriously absent most of those days... Who could that be? Oh, yes- Janie. Here's why: about three days into our weeklong stay, Janie and I had a fist fight not unlike the one I had with her the last time I was home, except this involved not her lips being cut by her braces, but her nose being bloodied by a wall. I know what you're thinking, "Sarah! You don't seem violent!" I know! But she always messes with either our mom (by punching her on Christmas- two years in a row now) or one of the little girls, whom I love more than anyone else! So I spring into action mode!
But Janie wouldn't be the only person with a sore face that week- I woke up Friday morning with a swollen face, and it seemed that I would miss Carly's birthday party (which had been bumped up a day, just so Jason and I could celebrate too). I went to some urgent care place and they gave me two shots in the tush, which are just now starting to feel better. But dangit, I didn't miss her movie party, and what's even better is that I was the only grown-up to go with Carly and Ray to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked. (Mom and Jason saw Warhorse, Janie saw We Bought a Zoo) All of the movies sounded equally lame, so I bought the little girls some popcorn, drink, and some candies, and we saw what wound up being a better movie than that god-awful "squeakuel," which I also saw with the girls last Christmas...
After staying for about a week, Jason and I left on New Year's Eve (also Carly's birthday) and got back to Kansas City just in time to change clothes and get to our friends' house for a fun and eventful- but not too eventful New Year's party.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Hey-o!
So, my blog used to be called "Things That Irk Sarah," and then I got hitched.
I decided to make some changes, mostly because I'm not as easily irked here. Sure, the stress of living in the city, with no money, and trying to figure out how to be a wife can be irksome, but nothing worth blogging about. Now, the plan is to blog about my new life in Kansas City, and all the crazy things that Jason and I do.
I'll end this VERY short post with a quote from last night:
(Jason and I were sitting on the chair and couch respectively)
Jason: "Sarah, do you know how much I love you?"
Me: "How much?"
Jason: "So much, its immeasurable. So much, I can't even express it."
How lucky am I for meeting such a man?
I decided to make some changes, mostly because I'm not as easily irked here. Sure, the stress of living in the city, with no money, and trying to figure out how to be a wife can be irksome, but nothing worth blogging about. Now, the plan is to blog about my new life in Kansas City, and all the crazy things that Jason and I do.
I'll end this VERY short post with a quote from last night:
(Jason and I were sitting on the chair and couch respectively)
Jason: "Sarah, do you know how much I love you?"
Me: "How much?"
Jason: "So much, its immeasurable. So much, I can't even express it."
How lucky am I for meeting such a man?
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Overwhelming Feelings that Overwhelm Me
Sometimes I feel super overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by work, overwhelmed by school and trying to get back into the swing of things, overwhelmed by everyone pulling me in every direction at every possible free moment I have, overwhelmed by the love I share with a man that I truly believe is my soulmate.
So I keep on keeping on, through the drudgery that is the deli, which is always understaffed with no sign of relief anytime soon. Through the crappiness that is trying to get back into school, the school I'm trying to attend demands so many more forms, documents, proofs of identity, and email than Truman ever imagined requiring. I keep trying to be the best friend I can to everyone that I hold dear, while still trying to keep in touch with my family, a family that I have seen three times this year so far, and its hard. Adding Jason to the mix, though a worthwhile endeavor that I will never regret, even if he dumps me tomorrow, has made all this even more tricky. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than with that man, and being with him seems to be the last place I can be right now. A lack of funds demands that I stay away, and his unfortunate car situation enforces this truth.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with sadness when I think about these things. I think about how much easier things would be if I made more money, or if I had less debt. I think about how different my life would be if I had stayed home like my mother had begged me to do after I had surgery. Let me tell you, it would have eased the money issue, but it wouldn't have helped anywhere else. I never would have been able to see my dearest friends, I never would have lived through what was, and may always be, one of the very best summers of my life. And most importantly, I never would have met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
When I start to get down, I just remember these things, and that somehow I've always made it through before, and I keep on truckin'. I just hope that one day all this will come to an end that is as wonderful as I have imagined.
So I keep on keeping on, through the drudgery that is the deli, which is always understaffed with no sign of relief anytime soon. Through the crappiness that is trying to get back into school, the school I'm trying to attend demands so many more forms, documents, proofs of identity, and email than Truman ever imagined requiring. I keep trying to be the best friend I can to everyone that I hold dear, while still trying to keep in touch with my family, a family that I have seen three times this year so far, and its hard. Adding Jason to the mix, though a worthwhile endeavor that I will never regret, even if he dumps me tomorrow, has made all this even more tricky. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than with that man, and being with him seems to be the last place I can be right now. A lack of funds demands that I stay away, and his unfortunate car situation enforces this truth.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with sadness when I think about these things. I think about how much easier things would be if I made more money, or if I had less debt. I think about how different my life would be if I had stayed home like my mother had begged me to do after I had surgery. Let me tell you, it would have eased the money issue, but it wouldn't have helped anywhere else. I never would have been able to see my dearest friends, I never would have lived through what was, and may always be, one of the very best summers of my life. And most importantly, I never would have met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
When I start to get down, I just remember these things, and that somehow I've always made it through before, and I keep on truckin'. I just hope that one day all this will come to an end that is as wonderful as I have imagined.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Summer
I've got this little issue. Its a sun allergy. I get all splotchy and sickly and dead-like. The summer makes that occurrence far more frequent. So I was sick last week, vomming, coughing, sleeping for extended periods of time without leaving my room, but I just knew I was on the rebound, so I went to the lake with Chris and Natoshia. We had a very good time. But in the three and some hours we were in the water, I somehow managed to get burned to a crisp (shock of shocks) and I got some tasty lake water in my ear. It was there for two days, and the sunburn is definitely still around. I can't actually wear a shirt right now without wishing for death. My ears, infected. Both of them.
I hate summer. I don't care if the days are longer, there's no school, and you can weekday drink. I genuinely hate summer. I anticipate the short days, long cold nights, and miserable snow storms of winter. They're fun. I don't get sweaty. I don't get attacked by malicious bugs. I don't get boiled by the sun.
I hate summer. I don't care if the days are longer, there's no school, and you can weekday drink. I genuinely hate summer. I anticipate the short days, long cold nights, and miserable snow storms of winter. They're fun. I don't get sweaty. I don't get attacked by malicious bugs. I don't get boiled by the sun.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Bereavement
Okay, so this week was NOT the best week to begin with. First, two of my family members passed away quite suddenly. Then my place of employment wouldn't let me have time off to go home, because neither were immediate family members, and everyone knows that the closer you're related to someone, the closer they are to you. Right? Oh, wait, that's not right at all. Funerals are meant to be a celebration for the living, a chance to show those that survived the loved one that they too are loved. I was unable to be there for my Auntie Imogene, who's 90 by the by, and I love more than I love my own grandmother (her sister) all because her son isn't my "immediate family." Same goes for my Nanny Dee, who isn't even really a relative- just a woman that has helped to shape my mother's life tremendously, suffered a stroke, suffered the loss of BOTH of her children within two years of each other, and is still kicking more ass than I ever hope to. The problem with rules regarding bereavement is that, more often than not, the family member you miss the most doesn't fall into the categories covered. So now I'm going to take a two-day whirlwind trip home, strictly for the purpose of seeing two women that lost more than I can imagine having.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sinus Infections
Last night was a fantastic time. I watched Mean Girls, ate some Jimmy John's, and drank with the roomie. But when I woke up this morning, I felt awful. Not hangover awful, sinus infection awful. My head feels like it about to explode gallons of snot and earwax across this room in a blast so powerful it blows the windows out. I thought I was dying when I got out of bed. Head spinning, unable to keep my balance as I tried to get to the bathroom, lips cracked from all the mouth breathing I had been doing. So I stumbled down the stairs with the laundry that I have to do today in order to have work clothes tomorrow. Threw everything into the washer, and laid down on the couch. I have yet to get up for anything other than a glass of lemonade with which to wash down a cocktail of antibiotics and antihistamines. Nap. Chris came over, made me some Hamburger Helper, checked to see if I have a fever (we still aren't sure, I'm way too clammy to tell.), then left. Nap. Jack Black movie marathon. Still feeling like death.
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