Girls

Yeah, I hate them. They're annoying, clingy, loud, obnoxious, bothersome, moody, pissy, and all around not worth anyone's time. Sadly, I am one. The thing that gets me the most about girls though, is that they can never leave well enough alone. They just HAVE to talk shit, because peacefully coexisting would be far too difficult or boring or whatever. That REALLY bugs me. I have an incredibly dramatic life anyway, for reasons I'll never fully understand, because it sure as hell isn't my doing. But when bitches get all crazy because their boyfriends are being douche bags, I'm the one that gets the shaft. No joke. Its like, I know that I'm totally cool and laid-back, forgiving and shit. Or that's how it appears to the general public. In all honesty, I get this shit so often that I have literally stopped giving a damn. I couldn't care less if you are pissed at me because I forgot to close my bedroom door or parked too far from the curb or whatever else your twisted little mind has come up with to bitch about, tomorrow is another day, so shut up. And stop talking shit when I'm not around, because the people that are actually my friends tell me about it immediately, and then I know what a petty little bitch you are. Again, this happens all the time. So often, its tragically comical. Thanks for the laughs, enjoy your sad life.




(Note: I am NOT perfectly rational when menstruating, therefore this will not apply to those five days of the month. Thanks, Management)

Word Vomit

I'm in a rough place right now. I'm not depressed. I'm just sad. I don't want to do anything drastic, I just want things to be better than they are right now. I want to have more money, and more control of my money. I want to have fewer bills to worry about. I want to stop second guessing everyone and everything. I want to stop thinking for a minute and actually enjoy my life instead of feeling like I'm wasting everyday I'm living. I don't want to worry about people's reactions to the things I do. I don't want my actions to be questioned. I just want to live and let live and not have to worry about who I offend by not holding a door or saying "Thank You." Do any of those things really matter in the long run? Just once I would like for someone to notice that I did something productive. Just once I wish everyone would stop focusing on the mistakes that I've made. Just once I would like to stop focusing on the mistakes I've made. Its hard to relax when you have to constantly think about who you might have pissed off by not doing something right at work, or by putting something away incorrectly. It sucks when your parents know you're over-drafted before you do, and they know you don't have any money saved up, so they write you a check. Its sad when that's become the norm. Its sad when it takes every ounce of energy and moxie I have to just get out of bed at 3 in the afternoon, just to sit and waste another day and feel exhausted afterward. What is wrong with me? I mean, surely nothing worth having comes easily, and good things come to those that wait right? So, where is whatever I'm waiting for? I've been waiting for over 20 years for something truly fantastic and worthwhile, and all I get is disappointment. I have great friends, and a wonderful, if horribly dysfunctional family. That's not even true, I have wonderful members of a horribly dysfunctional family, and others that have been nothing but a life-long trial, something even Job couldn't have handled. I feel that everything happens for a reason, I just wish I could see what these reasons are. 

Just because my BFF is a dude...

We're not boning. In fact, the likelihood of that happening is so miniscule that it should be put out of your head at once. I mean yeah, we're attractive people that appreciate each other's attractiveness, but there's a mutual respect for the sanctity of our friendship that doesn't allow for infraction. He is the first person I go to to talk shit on people I'm dating. If we were dating, to whom would I talk shit?! Yes, things can get complicated. People think we're "an item" and he gets his undies in a bunch, but who cares? People are wrong about everything all the time. Its a part of life. A HUGE part of life. Then you die. To all the people that want to jump to conclusions, I say "Shame on you!" I don't think that you and YOUR best friend are constantly off having hot lesbian trysts, so stop thinking that we're all over each other when no one else is around.

My Period

Probably the most irksome thing to every woman on the planet, I hate my period and the week leading up to it. I'm on like three pills to have a period in the first place, and I'll be honest, when I didn't have one for like eighteen months, I missed it. But now that its back and regular, I hate it again. I can actually feel myself morphing into this super-bitch and there is very little I can do to make it stop. Its miserable. I feel bloated and fat and bitchy and I know that I am totally unpleasant to be around. Not to mention all the crying for little or no reason. I feel uber lethargic, and we all know that I love to sleep already, so I go from sloth to koala levels of sleep. Its in the best interest of everyone involved if I can just sleep and not be disturbed. I also get all these insane cravings for ice cream, chocolate, peanut butter, and Pringles. I don't know why I always crave Pringles, but I do. 


This blog is also an apology. I'm sorry to everyone that I offend monthly with my insensitive and ugly behavior. I'm sorry for the nights that I ruined by crying. I'm especially sorry to Chris, because he always gets the brunt of my rage. I have to tell you though, ignoring my sadness is not the way to get it to stop, it just makes me more sad and upset. Sure the other three weeks of the month I am sane, and know that all the things I did while on my period were psychotic, but bear with me while its happening. It'll make everyone feel better. 

People that Drive like Morons

I know, every now and again everyone does it. You cut someone off, you swerve into a lane because you realized you were going to miss your exit, you speed, you almost hit a cyclist or a pedestrian. Life happens.


But in larger cities that crap happens all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. It scares the crap out of me to see a car trying to get into my lane when we both know there isn't really space or time. Its terrifying to see cars driving across six lanes of traffic without even taking a moment to glance back and see if maybe a semi is about the plow into them. And it pisses me off. Is where you're going SO IMPORTANT that you CANNOTSTOPNOMATTERWHAT, not even if the world starts to collapse around you? Didn't think so. Whoever you're in such a huge rush to see would probably rather see you alive and well, rather than mangled in a body bag. Probably. Does it hurt anyone to let someone into a lane? Not really, those three seconds you spend slowing down 3mph for the other car don't really matter, and the road is so much safer for everyone, except those that aren't paying attention. 


You can always tell who's from the city you're visiting, and who the other visitors are. Visitors slow down when something happens suddenly, give someone else room to get into the exit lane, wave people in during a traffic jam, and have a genuinely overwhelmed look in their eyes as they try to figure out which exit it is that they need to take to get to the zoo. City dwellers have a different sort of demeanor, they're the ones that honk, yell, and express themselves with lewd hand gestures. They cut people off. They are constantly in a hurry to get from A to B, and will do anything to get there as quickly as possible. (I can't believe that every single one of them is like this, because I have a little faith in humanity.) I'd like to think that I'm somewhere in the middle; yelling, but still letting people in; silently wishing the person that cut me off ill; never honking, but always wanting to. I can't bring myself to act so immature publicly, so I just sit and smolder in my car, waiting for the chance to get to my destination and type out my feelings, rather than speed by the van that HAD to pass me, only to see that there was a huge line of cars in their way. 

Break Ups

Being broken up with is no cake walk, in fact, its a terrible thing. Often times, it happens in sort of a surprise way, and you begin to question your self-worth and the confidence you once had plummets. I know this. It sucks. But breaking up with someone isn't easy either. Realizing that someone you thought was a potential life mate is actually not what he seemed is almost as difficult. You have to play the waiting game and see if maybe these thoughts are being brought on by your period or something. If no, you have to figure out the best way to let them go gently, I can't do it any other way. This also sucks.
If humans could have the romantic lives of say, the carrier pigeon, we wouldn't have these issues. We could just go around, finding a mate, mate, bear offspring and go on. Of course, human young take the longest time of any animal in the history of ever to leave the proverbial nest, so maybe we should only go out on these sex hunts every five years or so. Hey, what are contraceptives for? Oh, that's right, the in-between babies times when you don't want to birth another child! It would be great, since the children would have different fathers, there would be a variety of personalities, so a mother would never get bored. Maybe the guys could pay into a big "Baby Mama" fund, I don't know I haven't thought that far ahead.

My Family- Whoa

I had a visit home earlier this week, and everything was the same as always. My mother was as overwhelmed by demands as ever, and my sisters were doing absolutely nothing to help her out at all. This is one of the only reasons I miss being home. My mom needs a sidekick to cover for her while she's working three jobs, and my 16 year old sister just doesn't cut the mustard. 
Here's how the trip started, I realized I was off for three days in a row, which is something that never happens. So, I decided it was high time to go on back to the homestead. 
DAY 1: I arrived at approximately 2a, slept until about 8a, then got up to go to see my grandparents for a Memorial Day barbeque. The waking up of the family was a fight, getting everyone into the van was a fight, and Rachel wound up head butting Janie by the time we got there. My dad drove separately, for a reason I'm still unsure of. We got to the grandparents at about 11, I left my computer here because I didn't think I would need it, boy was I wrong. Everyone fought the entire day over the two computers in the house, it was fantastic. We got home, everyone was sweaty and grumpy and tired, and of course, still bickering. We took a little wreath of blue flowers to my grandfather's grave, and of course, everyone fought the entire trip. 
DAY 2: My mother took Janie to get her hair did. While they were gone, the little chicks and I caught up on some much needed sleep. Then they got home, Janie didn't look any different, but whatever. We made some chicken noodle soup, Carly spilled it all over me, so did Rachel. We went out for Chinese, this time I drove, no one could agree on what Chinese place to go to, nor where to sit once we got to HoWah. The little girls made a ton of noise and embarrassed my mother, Janie did the same. I was ready to fall into a hole and pull Mom in with me by the time we got to the movie theater. We saw KungFu Panda 2. It was cute, made me cry a little. Then Rachel ran away, so Mom freaked out. We went to Walmart for more exciting public fights, then home to sleep.
DAY 3: I took Carly out to the Elementary school to get picked up for a special field trip. I also took her to get breakfast at Hoeckele's Bakery. It was a hoot. Then I drove home in blissful silence. It was glorious.