Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Overwhelming Feelings that Overwhelm Me

Sometimes I feel super overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by work, overwhelmed by school and trying to get back into the swing of things, overwhelmed by everyone pulling me in every direction at every possible free moment I have, overwhelmed by the love I share with a man that I truly believe is my soulmate. 
So I keep on keeping on, through the drudgery that is the deli, which is always understaffed with no sign of relief anytime soon. Through the crappiness that is trying to get back into school, the school I'm trying to attend demands so many more forms, documents, proofs of identity, and email than Truman ever imagined requiring. I keep trying to be the best friend I can to everyone that I hold dear, while still trying to keep in touch with my family, a family that I have seen three times this year so far, and its hard. Adding Jason to the mix, though a worthwhile endeavor that I will never regret, even if he dumps me tomorrow, has made all this even more tricky. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than with that man, and being with him seems to be the last place I can be right now. A lack of funds demands that I stay away, and his unfortunate car situation enforces this truth. 
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with sadness when I think about these things. I think about how much easier things would be if I made more money, or if I had less debt. I think about how different my life would be if I had stayed home like my mother had begged me to do after I had surgery. Let me tell you, it would have eased the money issue, but it wouldn't have helped anywhere else. I never would have been able to see my dearest friends, I never would have lived through what was, and may always be, one of the very best summers of my life. And most importantly, I never would have met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. 
When I start to get down, I just remember these things, and that somehow I've always made it through before, and I keep on truckin'. I just hope that one day all this will come to an end that is as wonderful as I have imagined. 

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